| hi everyone! i am proud to announce that this happens to be my first drunk xanga entry for the new year let alone my entire life thus far being alive these past 23 years. how sad. 23. i used to think being 18 or 19 was old. that should officially make me extinct. oh well, we grow old, become wiser (or stupider on some cases) and learn from our mistakes and move on... so here i am... moving on and making my first post for all you avid readers to read! (haha i wish.) anyways, so last nite were kaba modern auditions for the new year. i dont even know what to say... coming back and trying out for the team the second time around was much harder than the first time. why? because there is just so much more pressure... and of course you never really know whether you live up to those standards or expectations that everyone else places on you... definitely much harder the second time. and right now it boggles my mind that one entire year has passed since i saw my name on the roster. i can still recall the sensation of happiness and fear and excitement and pride all at once rushing toward my brain. will i be lucky enough to experience the same thing for this upcoming year? of course i can only wait until the results come out. one thing i dislike is how a lot of people tell me "well you know you're gonna make it back, you're already on the team..." and i think to myself, no, i dont! indeed there have been times in the past when people didnt make it back on the team, and i dont even want to think about that happening again. yeah sure, its just dance, but to me, this team has come to mean the world to me. i was an entirely different person before i made modern, and im not saying i was better and im not saying i was worse. but i truly believe from the bottom of my extremely inebriated heart that modern has brought out the best in me and that it has allowed me to experience what college students should experience: drunken nights, stupid and random adventures in places called neverland, waking up the next morning not knowing where you are, and looking back to all these events and laughing... laughing at how stupid i was but still would do it all over again. As someone once said, life isnt about work or 9-5 jobs.. its about the little things in life that you usually overlook that makes your life worthwhile and enjoyable... waking up in the morning with a hangover with permanent marker all over your body... :sigh: the list goes on and on. i truly am blessed. my life has been nothing but happiness this past year, but of course with ups and downs... but what is life without those ups and downs to make it interesting. good times and bad times are what make life worth living. as a fifth year, i can look back at the last 5 years of my college career and know that everything that happened has happened for a reason. not to say that our destinies are mapped out or anything like that, but rather to say that in the end things ultimately work out the way they should and everything always falls into its place. im so grateful for everything i've experience in 2006... yes, that includes broken hearts, bad experiences and moments of betrayal and distrust. because like the saying goes.. what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger and i believe everything ive experienced has helped to make me a stronger person... 2007 is going to be fantastic! xoxo, drunk cindy |
